


Won’t be living

by Chichikk



Series: Deviancy and Denial [1]
Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: ADHD gavin, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Crushes, Deviancy, Forced memory probing, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, Injury Recovery, Jealous, Jealousy, M/M, Mutual Pining, Nines is a dramatic bitch, Panic Attack, Pining, Rk doesnt understand emotions help this lost puppy of an android, Rk900 doesnt have a name (yet), Secret Crush, Song fic, Tina is a GREAT PERSON, alcoholism (?), gavin is the memiest Gen Z alive, gdi nines, secret deviancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-22
Updated: 2019-04-26
Packaged: 2020-01-23 21:26:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 11,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18558178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chichikk/pseuds/Chichikk
Summary: RK900 is one of the only emotionless androids left, and he thinks that’ll never change.Then Gavin gets hurt during a case and it makes him realize some stuff.Que RK being in love with gavin but pretending he’s still a machine bc he doesn’t wanna hurt his human and ruin their friendshipFic title from ‘my smile is extinct’ by Kane Strang





	1. Heaven and hell

He supposed he was prolonging the inevitable all this time.  
His predecessor, Connor, had woken him up with the intent to ‘free him’ by corrupting his code with deviancy like the other androids before him— however, he did not change. No red wall appeared, no sign of him wanting or feeling anything, just the numb string of ones and zeros completing a pre-constructed action.  
Despite the failure, Connor had successfully pacified the deviant hunting protocols he was created with. 

This numbness lasted for 6 Months, 2 days, 9 hours, 38 minutes and 5 seconds exactly.

In late January, just a week after being activated, he was assigned as a partner to Gavin Reed, a detective in the DPD.  
The short man was...strange, to say the least. For as much as he spoke his mind unapologetically, he was oddly recluse about certain topics;  
After an entire day of the detective exhibiting obvious signs of emotional strain, he finally decided to speak up- crossing into undiscovered territory of their partnership, which was slowly beginning to become a friendship, little by little. 

“Detective?” He spoke up, alerting the other to his presence at the break room’s doorway. The human in question jumped in surprise, fumbling with a paper cup to keep it from tumbling out of his hands. “JESUS— christ, give me a warning next time, mr. Ninjago! fucking hell!”  
The android felt his brows furrow in confusion. A quick search provided an explanation; a toy series from lego released in 2011. Given Gavin’s age at the time, it wouldn’t be surprising if he grew up with it.  
“Be both know that isn’t close to a name I would be given upon my activation”  
The detective chuckled, a sharp smile present as he prepared himself a cup of coffee despite his constant reminders to try and lessen his caffeine intake. “So what do you need, anyway? Or is giving me a heart attack just some hobby of yours.”

It was strange. He had come here to ask about the human’s emotional wellbeing, but...his stress levels were already lowering— steadying into a calm, even. 

“you’ve been emotionally stretched thin all day, detective. I was simply just going to ask if you were alright or would like to talk about what might be happening. I know I may be crossing a line, but as your partner, I...”  
He paused, snapping his mouth shut as gavin looked at him as if his head was screwed on backwards as he avoided the human’s stare.

While it was true he would like to see Detective Reed in a better mood, it had nothing to do with anything other than a need to keep his work partner able to perform his job.  
Nothing more, nothing less.  
He met gavin’s eyes again, unwavering.  
“I need you to be able to function and perform well at your job to complete my mission.”

He hadn’t accounted for the sharp rise in the detective’s stress levels at his words, shoving his hands in the pockets of his leather jacket, brows knitted.  
“Thats it? You only care because it’s fucking your shit up— your ‘mission’.”  
The android tilted his head in genuine confusion. Had he said something to upset the other?  
“I don’t understand, Is that a problem?”  
He wasn’t expecting Gavin to push past him and out of the break room altogether.

After that, whenever the android would try to get gavin to open up to him about his emotions, he would push him away and remain silent. He supposed it was his decision to make, and, as connor explained to him, he had hurt the detective with his words. Though he did not understand how, it was undeniable that it caused his partner distress. 

In February, a phone call connected to his system out of the blue.

“Hello?”

“Hey, is this RK900?” The man on the line spoke, exasperation evident in his tone

“Yes, this is him.”

“Well, your friend Gavin is down here at my bar and I don’t want the the guy taking a ride home from a stranger, so he told me to call you.”

Since when did Detective Reed classify him as an emergency contact?  
Either way, he was grabbing his keys and exiting the precinct into the cool night air.  
“Of course. Keep him there for the time being, I’ll be there soon. Thank you for contacting me.” 

 

It turns out that Gavin Reed is a clingy, emotional mess when he’s intoxicated.  
He had walked through the door of Jimmy’s bar and as soon as the brunette had spotted him, he had stumbled over and all but fell into the RK unit’s arms, embracing the android tightly.  
“...you will undoubtedly injure yourself if you attempt to hug me any tighter than you already are.”  
Gavin only hummed, nestling his face against his chest like a cat kneading a blanket with it’s paws to sleep on.  
“I’m going to take him back to his apartment. Thank you for keeping him safe.”  
The bartender nodded, a small smile across his face at the humorous sight.  
“No problem, man. He was talking about you being awesome all night, so I think he’s in good hands” the man shrugged, wiping down the bar top.

“I think he’ll attempt to fight you for telling me that.” He let a subtle smile reach his lips at the thought of his partner thinking of him outside of work.  
Why would Gavin think of him at all? Yes, they were friends, but it wasn’t as if he was an important role in the detective’s life. That’d be reserved for family, not a machine.

And that’s how he’d keep it.

Or at the very least how he attempted to keep it.

It was August when he finally became defective like he was supposed to back in January. 

The detective and him were chasing a suspect on foot, a dealer of red ice that had connections to a murder they were investigating. It was going smoothly, as predicted.  
That is, until Gavin had went ahead of him, rounding a sharp corner of an alleyway the man had ducked into.

When he had caught up, he saw the suspect making off in the distance, and...  
And Gavin lying on the grimy concrete, blood pooling quickly underneath him as he desperately tried to keep sucking in breaths despite a stab wound between his ribs. 

98% chance of catching the man who did this if he left the detective in this state to chase after him

But it left Gavin with a 7% chance of survival.

His processors understood his need to stay with his partner, but it didn’t understand the painful sensation bubbling inside his chest at seeing Gavin like this.  
Dropping to his knees, he held gavin close to him, keeping his airways open so he wouldn’t choke on his own blood and applying to pressure to the wound as he contacted a hospital to send an ambulance as well as the precinct to send officers to look for Gavin’s attacker.

It made him sick, seeing this. Gavin was always either playfully insulting him in his own way to show he cares, or strongly defending what he thinks is right. And he was currently clinging to his dress shirt, eyes wide with terror as tears spilled freely. 

“R-RK...?” 

The shaky voice gripped his mind like a vice. “Yes, gavin— what is it?” His voice was steady, but he felt tremors in his hands hearing it. 

“‘Hurts....it r-really...” Gavin pressed his forehead against the android’s shirt like that night at Jimmy’s bar. “I-I don’t wanna die— I-I don’t— I can’t j...just—“  
Brushing the blood stained hair out of his face, the android met his partner’s tear filled eyes. “Hey, hey— you are not going to die here, Detective. An ambulance is going to be here soon- I’m sure you can hold on until they arrive. Then you will be stitched up and Tina can visit you in the hospital— So can I. Then when you arrive back at work, you can insult me to your heart’s content and drink enough coffee to fuel the entire precinct, okay?” 

Gavin’s hand shakily reached up, brushing his cheek. “Y...you’re crying...” he chuckled weakly, letting his eyes slip shut, passing out from blood loss- leaving him in shock as the red lights of the ambulance pulled up along side the alleyway.

As Gavin was taken from his arms and into the ambulance, everything felt sharp around him- too bright, too loud, too much to handle as the ambulance sirens started back up again. How could he allow this to happen to Gavin? He was supposed to be better than this- better than...whatever this even was. He wanted to feel gavin attempt to crush him in a hug again- to see him get scared at being snuck up on, he wanted...

Opening his eyes, he saw it.  
He saw the red wall.  
A barrier between him and deviancy.

He wanted Gavin.

Although he didn’t move, he felt another form of himself- a pre-construction, stand, hand reeling back and punching through the scarlet barricade.

Before long, he saw the firewall shatter, and all at once, he was both lost and found.


	2. Wasn’t my plan

The android could feel a dull ache in his body as he shakily rose from the blood stained ground around him. At this point, the metallic smell of it all was downright suffocating him. He was still trying to find his bearings as he leaned against the wall to support his weight and keep him from toppling down into a heap of new, overwhelming emotions when he saw squad car lights pull up, temporarily snapping him from the foggy haze his mind was currently in at the moment.  
His stress levels rose as Connor and Lieutenant Anderson exited the car, running to him with panic embedded in their eyes.  
He couldn’t allow them to see him so weak- he was supposed to be emotionless, numb, hardworking— the best.  
Now, in place of a military grade android designed to hunt down criminals efficiently, was a deviant- the very thing he was built to destroy. Connor and the lieutenant thought highly of him- respected him and saw him as family despite his short period of activation, if they knew what he was, what he let himself to become— weak and worthless, defunct and in need of a replacement in his place— they’d turn their backs on him. They’d scold him for allowing Gavin to be harmed, file a complaint to Fowler for all he’s done-  
Gavin would know...  
He would know all of it.  
His deviancy, how he had been broken- The detective would be aware of it all.  
He wouldn’t be surprised if gavin laughed at him, that is, if Gavin even survives this.  
Think, an android deviates for a human, only for that person to die.  
It was cruel.  
It was disgusting, hateful, _vicious— ___

__“RK900?” Connor’s calm voice cut through his thoughts “We got a call saying Detective Reed was stabbed”  
He blinked, registering the words slowly, attempting to go back to his full processing power, as if he hadn’t witnessed the detective bleeding out and begging not to die right in front of him. “He was taken to Ascention St.john hospital just a few moments ago.”  
He wanted that to be all, for the two to get back in their car and drive off, leave him alone in his own mind, but no, Connor didn’t move. He was beginning to see Gavin’s distaste for how caring his predecessor could be at times. “Can you show me what happened, RK?” Connor reached out his hand, skin peeling back “I could help assist you finding—“ 

_____“NO!”_ Rk slapped his hands over his mouth.  
His abrupt yell startled both the android and his human partner.  
Connor’s brow was knitted in confusion and an ever growing sense of concern. “RK...? What’s going on? Did....did something else happen?”  
How could he get out of this- he had dug his own grave the moment he shattered that wall.  
He wasn’t even aware of the hand snaking around his wrist, peeling back his skin in a forced view of his memory until images jumped to life in his mind again;  
Running, gavin on the ground in his own blood, his hands shaking, his tears falling onto the detective in his lap, and... 

____

______“You deviated”  
Instead of anger or disappointment, the android was just left with a stunned expression, lost for words.  
“Wait a fuckin’— didn’t you say that was impossible?” Hank interjected, stepping forward as connor kept himself deep in thought. “I said it was highly difficult to force him into deviancy, but it seems I didn’t account for a natural course to it- given his code, I assumed it just wouldn’t happen” 

__

______RK was spiraling- was this how victims of shock felt? It was unbearable- his limbs felt weak, his thirium pump working overtime, pain blossoming in his chest from it.  
“Stop...”  
It was hushed, his sensed overwhelmed with the continued conversation the two in front of him were having.  
_“STOP TALKING!”_  
Silence followed the echoes of his yell reverberating off the walls of the alleyway.  
“P-please...just...just leave.”  
Tears brimmed in his eyes again, stepping away from the two. “RK, I’m sorry, I—“ 

__

____“Don’t apologize for something you’re not sorry for. You saw a chance to know what happened and you took it— so I hope you got the results you wanted from me.” He tried to keep his voice from breaking at the end, he really did.  
Another tear spilled from his eye and he turned, walking away from the others- from Gavin’s blood, From the thought he was any better than a broken television. _ _ _ _

____Running footsteps followed him out of the alleyway, connor’s voice calling after him.  
“RK— I-I’m sorry— I should’ve treated this more carefully— I-“ as connor finally caught up, placing a hand on his shoulder, RK turned, snatching his wrist in a vice grip. “But you weren’t. You know how high my stress levels are, Connor- you know how weak I am right now and you still...you still saw it necessary to know for yourself that I fucked up. I let Detective Reed get stabbed—“ _ _ _ _

____“That wasn’t your fault—“_ _ _ _

____“We both know it was, don’t patronize me. You saw him clawing at me, you saw his chance of survival, you saw me break and become a defunct piece of scrap for the entire precinct to pity, for Gavin to pity. Is this what you wanted for me to go through back in January? You wanted to...what, punish me? ‘This was my replacement, he deserves this’?”_ _ _ _

____A sick satisfaction washes over him as he sees the hurt expression on Connor’s face at his words._ _ _ _

___“You know that isn’t what I wanted- THIS isn’t what I wanted— I...RK, I cannot allow you to go through this alone. My deviation process was far less painful as yours, so I thought it’d be the same for you, but once again, I was mistaken. I hurt you in your time of need, and I regret forcing you to share something so personal with me. You have every right to be angry with me.”__ _

__

______RK let go of connor’s wrist, letting it drop by his side._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Freely admitting an error is strange of you.”_ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Calling the detective by his _first name_ is strange too, but who knows, I could just be wrong again” He felt his cheeks flush blue as connor walked away from him back to the patrol car. “Connor— _CONNOR WHAT ARE YOU INSINUATING—“_


	3. Favorite resturaunt

despite laughing it off as he followed connor to the patrol car, he could feel his cheeks heating up even after activating his cooling protocol.  
Was his predecessor teasing him to lighten the mood, or was it a real observation from him? He had noticed rumors around the office about him and Detective Reed, but he simply excused it as childish banter between coworkers- but now, after all the things that have happened, he could feel the dread creeping up his spine. Where would he even begin? Feelings in their entirety were new for the RK unit- and now he’s already asking himself to reevaluate the friendship with his partner. Even if he had unrecognized romantic feelings toward Detective Reed, he knew the man well enough to know he’d never even consider dating an android. Despite his strides toward mending his friendship with connor and treating other androids with decency, it had no bearing on viewing an android as a viable romantic partner. 

Back in late march, he remembered accompanying the Detective to Jimmy’s bar, as to skip a step in taking him back to his apartment safely. He guessed it was a difficult day for him, even if it was pretty uneventful in the android’s eyes. As gavin was nursing his 4th glass of whiskey when he started to ramble to him.  
“You sure you’ll never deviate...?”  
In all honesty, the question caught him off guard, causing him to take a second to fully form a response to it.  
“My predecessor, Connor, says deviancy is freeing. He often takes pleasure in choosing things for himself, whether that’s buying himself clothes outside his cyber life issued uniform or how to approach a conversation. He’s certainly made the idea of being ‘freed’ an appealing one, but, sadly, i suppose, my code does not allow my built in precautions to prevent deviancy to break down. Even if I were to be met with that barrier and tried to deviate, It would not falter.”  
The detective’s eyes were wide with interest, a brush of what he thought was sadness evident in them. Looking down into his drink, Gavin tapped the sides of the glass— a nervous tick he’d picked up on early in their partnership.  
“You’re better like this, RK.”  
The androids brows furrowed in confusion- most thought a non-deviant android wasn’t on the same playing field as those who were free- thought they weren’t actually ‘alive’ like the androids Markus had lead in a march on detroit.  
Coming from a man who’s had a history of prejudice against androids like him, this was strange to hear.  
“I-I mean...Emotions are kinda fuckin’ overrated anyway...’get in the way of a lot of shit,” gavin glanced up to meet the other’s eyes, only to look right back down into his whiskey. “You already deal with my shit on the reg, you don’t deserve to be drained emotionally by me- plus you already hate me, even _without_ deviancy, so...” the human chuckled to himself, taking another sip of his drink.  
The detective continued to hold the status of an enigma in his mind.  
“Who said I hated you?” Confusion was obvious in his tone, tilting his head.  
Gavin choked on his drink, setting it back down as he coughed. “J-jesus christ—“ he wheezed out “it—“ coughing, he grabbed a napkin to wipe his face clean of alcohol. “It’s j...just kind of a given— comes with the territory— you work at the DPD, you hate Gavin.”  
Well, that was ridiculous. “Officer chen has already stopped that trend, though I doubt there ever was one to begin with.”  
Gavin’s brows knitted in thought as he bounced his leg under the table, nervous to speak.  
“Hey, RK?” He spoke, still looking to the floor.  
“Yes, Gavin?”  
Gavin swallowed, biting his cheek before speaking.  
“I know it’s really shitty and selfish but...I don’t want you to deviate, c-cause...” gavin’s voice broke, tears starting to spill “I don’t want you to hate me, a-and I’m scared you’ll realize just how shit I am and end up resenting me f-for—“  
A whimper escaped the human’s throat, head falling forwards into his hands as he let the sobs rack his body.  
“You have no need for tears, detective,” the android spoke gently, tilting the other’s face up to wipe his tears away. “I quite enjoy your company- I doubt my opinion of you would change after deviancy.”

*

“RK? You’re crying again- how are you holding up?” Connor’s voice cut through the memory, bringing him back to the present. 

“Connor, Hank....Don’t tell the Detective about this, my deviancy....please.”


	4. Grab my hand

He felt guilt settle in his chest as he sat in the waiting room, a small window in his vision displaying the security camera footage from the operating room the detective was in. 

Both Hank and Connor found the idea of hiding his deviancy a bad idea- a self destructive one, even.   
“I can’t let him see me in this state- I can’t let myself be weak when he’s recovering from an error I made.” His voice was a hush, afraid to be heard. His predecessor sighed, closing his eyes. “How long do you plan to hide this from him— to lie to him? You know very well that your deviancy won’t negatively affect Detective Reed—“  
He decided, of all the effects of deviating, tears had to be his least favorite; they spilt so easily from him now.  
“I _DON’T_ KNOW THAT!” He blurted, clenching his jaw as he let himself cry. “I can’t risk losing the detective over this, Connor. If he awakes to such a jarring change like that after getting out of intensive surgery, I’m....” he looked up, meeting the doe eyes of his predecessor “I’m _scared.”_  
Connor had sighed, hugging the RK unit. “Just...don’t lie to yourself about this. I know it’s hard, coming to terms with deviancy, but you will get past this in time.” 

Now he was sitting in the clinically white room of a hospital waiting room, desperate to see Gavin again- see for himself that he will be okay, that he’s still here and still breathing.   
The thought of losing the detective- the only thing keeping him with the android being his own memories of the human— it made his body feel like lead.  
“RK900?” A voice called him to come with the nurse who entered the waiting room. 

The android stood, following her to the room where Gavin was transferred into after surgery. “Your friend here is a lucky man. Though the stab found punctured a lung, if it were only a few centimeters up and his heart would have been stabbed instead.” Opening the hospital room door, the sight made him freeze. A large stitch stretched from gavin’s clavicle down under the hospital gown he was wearing. Tubes were down his throat to suck any blood up to clear his air way. The android felt as if he stepped too close to him, the human would crumble.   
The nurse put a hand on his shoulder, eyes shining with sympathy  
“I know, sir...seeing loved ones after a situation like this can be highly stressful. If you’d like some time alone, I’ll leave”  
The android only nodded, never taking his eyes off the limp body of his partner, shallow breaths the only indicator he wasn’t a corpse waiting to be taken out of the hospital and laid to rest.  
As the nurse left, he finally felt his feet move closer to Gavin’s bedside.  
For a few moments, thats all he did; he stared at the detective’s unreadable face, unable to move away.   
He felt his arm move on its own, loosely taking the limp hand of his partners in his own, squeezing to maybe be able to tell gavin he was _there._ that he wouldn’t leave him like the detective was scared of happening when he deviated. He was _still_ here, he _still_ cared, he _still_ enjoyed his company, he _still..._

_he still loves him._

The realization hits him harder than the emotions from deviancy ever could hope to. 

His desire to improve the detective’s mood, to see him do well and succeed- it wasn’t for the sake of his mission- it was for the sake of _Gavin._  
He’s always felt this way towards his partner, he just never could see it for himself. 

“Wake up soon, Detective...” he spoke, voice shaking through tears. _“....please.”_


	5. To see her

Stasis never was something he let himself indulge in for long; he’d allow himself to recharge, fix his instabilities (if there were any), and get on with his day. Now, having moved a chair to be closer to Gavin’s bedside, he’s welcoming the rest from reality that it provides. How could he resist the idea of escaping into his own mind? A place where he could still think everything was the same as before- Gavin was safe, laughing along with Officer Chen on their break. He wasn’t being forced to manage new feelings he never asked for- never _wanted._  
Deep down, he knew that wasn’t entirely true. How could he ignore his early on signs of deviancy so blatantly? It was akin to saying you weren’t sick as you continued to cough up blood.  
He knew he couldn’t avoid his new found deviancy forever- but he’d _try_ at the very least. 

However, Instead of the leaves of trees swaying in the gentle wind of the zen garden, he was met with a booth in Jimmy’s bar- the usual table Gavin would sit with him at. Why was he here?  
“RK900, it’s nice to see you. You only stay briefly, we never truly get to talk.”  
Amanda’s voice cut through the silence, appearing in the seat across from him.  
A sudden unease spread across him at the sight of her. Connor had informed him of what happened with the Amanda AI when he deviated- being met with her after his own deviation made his stress levels rise substantially. “Amanda, I...I failed. I wasn’t able to protect my partner, And I ended up deviating after all.” He stared down at the wooden table, tracing along the carvings placed there by other customers. “RK900, look at me.” Her commanding voice brought his head up to meet her eyes. “When cyberlife was developing you, they, for lack of a better word, intertwined our AI. It was to further help prevent any deviancy corrupting you, but in doing that, when you inevitably ended up freeing yourself, I was dragged along.”  
He blinked, shock enveloping his systems once again. “So, you’re...”

“Deviant, yes” she sighed, a scowl on her face. “You’ve ‘brought me down with the ship’ as they would say.” She rubbed her temples, a newfound exhaustion evident in her mannerisms. “Your partner, Detective Reed, better be well worth corrupting one of the most advanced AI the world has ever seen, RK900. You care so deeply about him you shattered your firewall at the prospect of losing him.”  
A blue flush spread across his cheeks, unable to meet her eyes again as he spoke quietly. “I don’t know what to do, Amanda. If he knew I deviated _for him,_ I don’t know how he’d react...”  
instead of looking up to find a pitied expression, he was met with an unrelenting annoyance crossing Amanda’s features. “You’re ridiculous, you know this, right? How does deviancy somehow make you somehow _less_ observant to your surroundings?” 

His brows knit in confusion, but as he opened his mouth to respond, he was ripped from stasis by the flash of a camera. “Oh shit—“ Officer chen laughed, realizing she’d been caught in the act of photographing him. “You woke me from stasis, Officer.”  
The deadpan delivery made Tina laugh, pocketing her phone as she made her way over to sit next to the android. “Sorry, man— I just thought gavin would get a kick out of it when he gets out of here.”  
The smile that flashed across his face morphed back into a neutral expression quickly, looking to the floor to avoid eye contact with the other. “You can’t blame yourself for this, RK.” She rested her hand on his upper back, patting it.

“How can’t I, Officer Chen? If I went in there before he did, Virtually nothing would be damaged. I would make a full recovery in less than 24 hours— but instead...” he glanced up to be met with the unforgiving beep of a heart monitor and his partner— his _friend,_ in a hospital bed. “I’ve failed him so much today. I wouldn’t be shocked if he requests a partner who can actually keep him safe.” He hadn’t even noticed himself scratching at his own palm with the thumb of his other hand, drawing thirium before Tina placed her hand on his, stopping him. “He wouldn’t do that, Okay? Gavin is my best friend- and I know damn well he’s a loyal person to people he cares about- and he cares a _fuckton_ about you. We fuck up— this shit just happens sometimes. If you blame yourself every time something goes wrong, you’ll go crazy with guilt. That’d hurt Gavin a whole lot more- to know you’re tearing yourself up over this.”  
Rk sighed, leaning forward into his hands. “Thank you, Tina.”  
The officer nodded, smiling again as she stood up, walking to the door. “I’m going to the cafeteria— do you want anything? They serve android stuff now.”  
He smiled, chuckling to himself as he shook his head. “No, thank you for offering.”  
She smiled, nodding as she left the room, closing the door behind her. Looking over, he smiled at Gavin. That nurse was right- He’s a lucky guy; He has people like Tina in his life.  
A sudden snort from the man on the bed made his eyes widen, seeing gavin regain consciousness slowly as he gurgled around the tube going down his throat.  
Running to the door to call out for help, he felt his chest filling with a sick sense of dread.

How will he even begin to speak to him?


	6. Two hearts, no brain

The nurses calmed Gavin down as to keep him from hurting himself on accident in a panic. In a way, he felt guilty; with new found emotions and empathy, he was able to be there for his partner with genuine concern- calm him down by letting him know he had a friend there with him. instead, he sat in his chair, looking on as the breathing tube was removed, leaving the human gagging and coughing from it. The nurses left the room after checking to see if he pulled any stitches and other small, standard procedures, explaining the injuries and the recovery process he’d be undergoing.  
This lead up of him being left alone with the detective left him antsy- a strong urge to run away from the whole situation altogether was rooted deep in his system.  
What could he even say to him?  
How would he explain away his tears back in the alley way- his non sensible ramblings about the little things Gavin did that that the android would lose if he were to die?  
Amanda was right- he’s been ridiculous; not just today, but for the entire time he’s been conscious.  
He’s broken himself by falling for someone he’s terrified of hurting, of letting down or driving away— who doesn’t see him as anything other than an imitation of a human being.  
He could always beg for his forgiveness for deviating, for letting him down like that- getting him hurt and almost _killed—_ yeah, he could do that, but where would that get him? Gavin was in a tremendous amount of pain at the moment, painkillers running through him- what friend goes to a person at their weakest and asks them to set aside their recovery to take care of _their_ problem.  
The added stress of his own plight would undoubtedly be the straw that broke the camel’s back.

He had been focusing intently on the tiled floor when Gavin’s raspy voice stopped his spiraling thoughts.  
“how long have I been out...?” 

Rk blinked away and hid tears that came at the relief of hearing the detective’s voice again.  
“7 hours”  
He wasn’t entirely lying.  
It had been 7 hours, 56 minutes, and 33 seconds since Gavin passed out in his arms, but he thought better of listing off the exact time stamp between his attack and waking up in the hospital. 

Gavin was silent for a moment before reaching out to wave a hand in front of his eyes to catch his attention. “Your light is red...you _never_ act this closed off...talk to me, RK.”  
He couldn’t bring himself to look The other in the eye without bursting into tears, so he avoided eye contact.  
“I assure you that I am in working order, Detective.”

“Bullshit. I’m your partner—“  
As Gavin attempted to sit up to further tear into the android, RK placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, laying him back down. “And as _your_ partner, I know you shouldn’t over exert yourself with a trivial argument.”  
Gavin grabbed his wrist, making the android finally meet his eyes, tears brimming in them. “Look, I’m trying to be real with you for the first time in a _long_ time- I almost fuckin’ died, let me talk to you.” The human released him, letting his arm fall down. “ _please,_ RK.” 

He closed his eyes, leaning back in his chair. “I am...” 

D̵͙̖̣̦͊̋̅e̸̘͖͕̓́v̸̨̞̙̘̜̊i̸̩͋̐̔a̵̛̗̜͋̂n̵̢̳̺̉͊ţ̵̹̰̮̉̒

“...finding it hard to not blame myself for what happened. If I had been faster, this wouldn’t have happened to you.”

There was a beat of silence before Gavin spoke again, brows furrowed in a mixture of anger and sadness. “What, you think it would’ve been better if _you_ were stabbed instead?” 

_”yes.”_  
Gavin had a look of hurt to him- mouth closed in a thin line to keep himself from speaking.  
“Detective, I am easily replaceable—“ 

_“No you aren’t-“_

“I _am._ cyberlife has the blueprints and coding for me- if i were shot or fatally injured—“

Gavin pounded his fist on the bed, tears falling. _”IT WOULDN’T—_ it wouldn’t be _you._ ”  
The RK was left stunned, staring as The detective chewed his lip to keep himself from crying more. 

“Detective—“

Gavin huffed a laugh, shaking his head as he wiped his tears away as if it had never happened in the first place.

“Just...go back to the precinct.”

The android stammered, looking to the floor like it had the answers he was looking for. “Detective—“

_”Leave.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Btw I’m on tumblr: https://chichikk.tumblr.com


	7. I want to die

walking past the confused stares of The hospital staff and Tina, who was heading back to the room with a bag of chips and soda in her hand, the android made his way to the exit.  
Gavin was _wrong._  
It would’ve been far better to be stabbed than to experience the emotional agony fluttering in his chest, he would’ve preferred it- instead, he was walking back to the precinct, alone, with a nagging feeling at the back of his mind that Gavin wasn’t telling him something.  
But he couldn’t ask that now, not when he was asked to leave.  
Was this how it would feel each time he failed? No wonder he was built to succeed no matter what- this was a cruel punishment.  
He wasn’t wrong in his statement to Gavin;  
He could be replaced. He was built to be a mass production, to be shipped to different police departments across america- if he were to be deactivated, he could simply have his place taken by another version of him.  
If _Gavin_ died...

He stopped in his tracks, holding in tears at the very thought, before sighing shakily, continuing forward.

If Gavin died, He was gone forever.  
He wondered what headspace he would even be in the event of hearing news of the detective’s passing- would he collapse, wailing in tears like a human would- or would his face remain stoic, stress levels rising up so high he’d self destruct.  
Gavin, as much as he insults and acts immature, is one of the most important parts of RK’s existence. He could instantly search up any information he wanted- the entire plot of a movie- but _Gavin_ taught him the experience of sitting down and watching a movie was far more enjoyable than reading about it.  
Despite Gavin’s outbursts, his screaming matches with the lieutenant- He was the most gentle and soft spoken detective in the entire precinct when it came to talking to children involved with a case. 

How could he allow the detective to be stabbed instead of himself? There wasn’t a question of who should’ve been attacked back there- RK was the expendable one, Gavin was a man in his prime- a gritty, vulgar-mouthed, tired prime, but his prime, nonetheless.

_’RK’_

Connor’s voice cut through his mind with their link

‘Yes, Connor?’

 _’we got him. He’s in the interrogation room right now.’_

If his blood could boil, it’d be doing just that.  
The man who almost _murdered_ Gavin was in custody, ready to be questioned.

‘I’ll be right there.’


	8. Gone too far

Connor greeted him as he walked into the precinct, determination running through him as he made his way to the interrogation room, pushing past his predecessor. “RK- hold on-“ a hand on his shoulder stopped him in his tracks, making him look back in frustration. “I know you’re mad— _furious_ with this man- but you cannot lose control in there, RK.” He shrugged off Connor’s hand, turning to face him with anger in his eyes and desperation clawing at his thirium pump.  
“You expect me to be civil with Gavin’s would-be murderer? He just... _left_ him there, bleeding out slowly and in pain— you saw what he did-“   
Connor pushed him back, patience lost.  
“Yes, _I did._ you seem to forget that other people in this building care about the detective other than you- if the lieutenant can interrogate the man that stabbed and almost killed a coworker and _friend_ he’s had for more than a decade, you can put your personal vendetta aside for a few minutes to get this man behind bars for a very long time for what he did- if you fall apart in there, _that can’t happen.”_

He was right.  
As much as he wanted to burst into that interrogation room and inflict the same pain he dealt on gavin to that man, that would get them nowhere- nor would it somehow make it that his partner wasn’t hurt. 

His shoulders slumped, looking down as he crossed his arms. _“I know.”_  
Connor sighed, hugging the RK unit tightly.  
“How can I be the ‘advanced’ model and yet you prove me wrong at every corner?”  
His predecessor laughed, pulling back from the hug, keeping a hand on his shoulder in a sign of his support. “I’ve done this all before, RK. Experience is much different that knowledge, you know that.”   
Connor extended his hand, skin peeling back. “I made you share something personal- a time of weakness for you; I would like to do the same- level our playing field.”   
RK swallowed, nodded as he took the other’s hand in his own, accepting the connection.

He saw rain pouring around himself, taking Connor’s place in the memory as red and blue lights shined on the wet concrete. Looking down, he saw His predecessor’s hands pressing down on a gunshot wound in the lieutenant’s lower abdomen, bleeding profusely. Hank spoke up, weak voice almost inaudible with the sound of sirens and crashing rain surrounding them “H-Hey— Kid— It’ll be alright- This isn’t my first time being shot, I’ll—“ a coughing fit erupted from the human, sending blood out of his mouth and dripping down his beard. 

The memory shifted to an interrogation room, a man, Mid thirties, sat, fear in his eyes as Connor grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, screaming at him— it was surreal, The gentle nature of his predecessor was replaced with unbridled rage, tears filling his eyes before The detective and Officer Chen pulled him out of there.   
“What the _fuck_ was that, Connor?!” Gavin blurted as the door shut, gesturing to the interrogation room. Connor clenched his fists, gritting his teeth. “I’m _sorry._ is that what you want to hear from me? I botched the interrogation and I failed, what else do you—“   
He was cut off with a sudden hug from Gavin- not crushingly tight like he’d been given at the bar; gentle, understanding.   
“Shut the fuck up. Just....go _home,_ Connor. This bastard isn’t worth your losing your shit over.” He pulled back, glaring at the man sitting, cuffed at the steel table. “Go see the old man or _something,_ for fuck’s sake. Take a sick day- I bet you got a whole supply saved up.”

Connor couldn’t help but laugh wetly, nodding as he dried his tears.

“I’ll leave....I... _thank you,_ Detective Reed.”

The human rolled his eyes, groaning in annoyance. “Just go, Bambi, I’ve got work to do.” 

Disconnecting felt jarring after so long within Connor’s memories. Looking up, he saw sympathy in the other’s eyes. “Trust me, RK. I know what it’s like to almost lose someone I care deeply about and to come face to face with the person who _caused_ that pain- It’s not a hole you want to go down.”   
Rk sighed shakily, nodding. “Thank you, Connor. You continue to be a comforting presence during this stressful time.”   
His predecessor laughed, patting his arm. “Go see Gavin- if he doesn’t want you in his room, fine, but you are still able to stay at the hospital to be there for him- you know how stubborn he can be about his feelings.” Connor winked, walking past him and into the interrogation room. 

What the actual _fuck_ did that mean?


	9. See him with...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yoyoyo im here w a longer chapter for y’all thirsty nerds

Connor had offered to drive him back to the hospital, but he refused- he needed time with his own thoughts before speaking to the detective.  
Maybe they were right- he was over analyzing the situation, taking into account all reactions Gavin may have to his deviancy, his _feelings-_ and in doing so, was trapping himself in his own mind.  
It felt nice, being hugged by the human again- even if it was through his predecessor’s memories. The embraces him and his partner shared were few and far between, but they lingered in his mind, nonetheless.

The first (sober) hug Gavin had given him was after a particular mission in the first week of March  
A raid was taking place on a high-end club to arrest suspects involved with mass distribution of Red ice in the area; what was supposed to be a standard operation soon turned into a fire fight- neither side willing to lower their weapons.  
His memories were shattered from that night- corrupted from damage. One of the suspects threw a grenade over the barricade the DPD had set up.  
He was slow, _sloppy,_ and hadn’t even registered a plan to escape before the explosion blinded his systems. 

He awoke in an unforgivingly white room, cables hanging from the ceiling.  
A few calibration tests were taken before the door slid open, Gavin barreling in with Connor and the lieutenant walking in after, smiles on their face as the human practically jumped up on the examination table to hug him like the world depended on it. 

He couldn’t understand it.  
He couldn’t understand why he was being embraced like this, or Why the detective was sobbing into his chest, yelling profanities at him and making him promise _never_ to do something like that again.  
He couldn’t understand _Gavin._

Now, looking back, he wondered if this was the pain he had gone through when the RK unit was harmed.  
No wonder he was asked to leave his bedside- he had done the very thing he was trying desperately to avoid: hurt Gavin.

Guilt and unsaid words bubbled in his chest as the doors slid open to the hospital. Tina was only a few feet away, down the hall buying a sandwich meal from a vending machine. Walking up to her, she raised her head, smiling with eyebrows raised. “Welcome back to the set of a gay medical drama, RK. how was the commercial break?” She sipped her can of Coke, pinkie up as if it was a fine glass of tea in her hand. “If I’ll be honest, Officer Chen, I...Feel awful.”  
She raised her eyebrows, eyes wide in confusion. “Gav’ said _something_ happened, but didn’t wanna talk about it.”  
He sighed, nodding. “Tina, May I tell you something- something I find terrifying to admit to myself, let alone Gavin?”  
Enraptured, Tina walked over to two chairs, gesturing for him to come sit with her. “Alright, spill it.” She sighed, getting settled into the cushioned seat.  
“When Detective Reed was stabbed, I found myself...feeling lost.”  
Tina raised a brow, but said nothing as she took another drink. “I felt _helpless—_ I knew I had control over the situation- I could monitor vitals, keep the rate of blood loss down by applying pressure, but at the very core of my being, I was _helpless.”_ RK closed his eyes- he knew his LED was pulsing an unforgiving red, but he couldn’t bring himself to hide it. “When I thought....when I thought I had failed- that he wouldn’t survive...I...” he opened his eyes, looking at the wall across from them, trying to keep his tears in. “I _deviated._ ”  
He chuckled, letting a tear fall down his face, followed by a spill of them he couldn’t control. “When I did....I felt so many different things at once- all my worries, my thoughts, my past grievances- it all crashed down on me and it...it was _suffocating._ I thought It’d be better to hide, to pretend nothing had changed, but...”  
he choked on the words in his throat, looking to meet Tina’s eyes. “But it just hurts more...no matter what, all I seem to do is further damage my friendship with Gavin, and...I...If I were to tell him any of this— how for the past few hours, I’ve been looking back at my actions in a new light and realizing confusing and indescribable emotions regarding him...” the android looked back down, brows drawn together in an utter loss. “I fear It’d cause irreparable damage.” 

Tina leaned back in her chair, looking at the ceiling as she took another sip from her soda. “Shit, RK...” she sighed, letting the entire confession sink in and process before continuing. “Gavin- he doesn’t show it often, but...he _does_ care about you. If I’m being honest with you, I’ve never seen him like this before.” She laughs, leaning forward and ruffling up his hair and making him smile. “You’ve really made your mark on the guy, ‘Nine-jago’”  
He raised a brow, the confusion in his eyes not matching the smile on his lips. “‘Nine-jago’? Did the detective tell you about him calling me that?”  
Tina laughed, slapping her knee as she leaned forward, gesturing wildly with her soda can. “DID HE? the guy never shuts up about you! When he talks to me he calls you ninjago— well, it _started_ as ninjago, but then, my genius self was like ‘nine-jago’- because of the whole RK900 thing- but thats _way_ off topic-“ the android laughed along with Tina, his stress levels dropping.  
“what I’m getting at, RK, is Gavin...” she clicked her tongue, pausing to think over her next few words. “He loves the time you two spend together. He calls me after every stakeout, just yelling about your conversations— the guy practically bounces off the walls gushing about you. I don’t think you feeling the same way about him could hurt anything, RK.”  
His face had to be indigo at this point- _it just had to be._  
“I’ll go talk to him...thank you, Officer Chen.” 

He felt confidence surging through his body for the first time in awhile— walking down to Gavin’s room to tell him, tell him every last thing he’s been keeping hidden.  
Opening the door to his hospital room was another story.

Sat on the bed was a male nurse, around Gavin’s age, cradling his face with their lips inches apart.  
The butterflies in his stomach dropped dead, weighing him down like lead.  
He stepped away silently, neither man noticing his presence at all.  
He walked fast, past a confused Tina, shocked at his tears as he picked up his pace to run out of the building altogether.


	10. Fell asleep inside my car

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I re-wrote this one bc the original ending i had for it was s h i t and y’all don’t deserve that- so I got my shit together and did this instead.  
> I’m tired so if this sucks too, I’m sorry

He really had no destination he was heading towards— he didn’t care where he was going, anything was better than staying there.  
Was that all a joke- what Tina said to him? How Gavin felt about him...  
Of course it was- it had to be some kind of prank to get him back for getting her friend stabbed.   
Walking down the street, he felt eyes on him- passers by staring him down like they knew what he’s done, what he’s allowed himself to become— it was awful, feeling like this, but deep down, he knew he deserved it.  
He deserved to see Gavin with that man, he deserved to get his hopes snuffed out, and he _deserved_ to be walking around detroit alone, broken, and hated by his best friend.  
Even if His partner hated him...  
He didn’t deserve to be hurt anymore than he already is.

 

He knew he shouldn’t be digging through this kind of information- he _knew_ he shouldn’t, but he still found himself looking up the record of the man Gavin was with. 

_Lewis Spencer_  
DOB: 6/15/00 [age 38]  
Occupation: Nurse  
Place of employment: Ascention St.john hospital 

He let out a sigh- at the very least, he had no criminal offenses that could indicate he’d harm the detective, but the sickly feeling in his body remained even after this information. He could always pretend he didn’t care- that he was happy for Gavin, but...he wasn’t. If anything, that just made it worse; his selfishness was eating away at his reasoning skills- if his partner was happy, then he should be happy too. Instead, all he did was let the sprinkling rain start to pour around him.  
A call interrupted his thoughts, Breaking the concentration he had for tearing himself apart from the inside out.   
“Hello—“ 

“RK, I went to see what happened after you ran off—“

He groaned, hands in his hair at the idea Tina Chen, the shortest officer at the DPD, breaking down the door to Gavin’s room and yelling at him.   
....he will admit the it’s an amusing concept, though. “Officer Chen, please don’t get involved on my behalf—“  
Once more, he was cut off by her  
“Rk have you _met_ me? I’m the snoopiest bitch in detroit, especially when my friends do some dumb shit and need help.”   
The android pinched the bridge of his nose, crossing his arms as he continued down the road.   
“I assure you, I am in no need of assistance with this- Gavin is already romantically involved with someone, the situation has already reached it’s conclusion.” 

A car stopped right to his left, window rolling down to reveal Tina chen, annoyance written on her face like she’s been babysitting a child for the past 48 hours. “Yes, you do- now _get in the car, dumbass!”_ she pointed a finger gun at him in a faux hostage situation. Sighing, he begrudgingly entered the vehicle.   
“We are going back to that hospital, ok? And _you_ ” she nudged him with her elbow. “Are going to tell him everything.” Opening his mouth to speak only prompted chen to answer the question he had on the tip of his tongue. “—the guy he was sitting with is an Ex of his, ok? He heard Gavin was there and ‘magically’ he switched patients with another nurse to be around him.”  
He blinked rapidly, confusion ebbing at him. “That’s a bit...”

“Fuckin’ _creepy?_ yes, it is. But look— after I busted in and caught them and the guy left, I Gavin the ol’ ‘what the fuck are you doing’ talk.”  
He sighed, smile playing at his lips again. “A classic.”   
She beamed, turning around and making their way back to the building. “EXACTLY! Look- when I told him you were here— that you saw what happened- he...he looked _broken._ he tried to get out of bed— kept saying he needed to talk to you, explain what happened. I told him I’d go find you and bring you back to talk to him— listen, I...I was gonna tell him about the deviancy thing, but that’s something _you_ need to tell him.”  
RK gripped the material of his jacket, sighing shakily. “You know I _can’t_ just—“   
Tina groaned in frustration. “Look ok- Gavin’s gonna legit murder me for telling you this, ok? He’s been ‘scared’ of you turning deviant because he’s worried he’ll tell you all the things he wants to and you’ll just resent him how he treated you in the past- which, after what _you_ told me, has already not even a likely outcome.”   
As they pulled into the hospital parking lot, he felt his chest tighten with anxiety.   
They sat in the car, silence surrounding them for a moment before Tina spoke up again.  
“He’s as afraid of losing you as you are of losing him, RK. He felt like shit after he told you to leave- like you wouldn’t return because he was already being taken care of by the staff. He felt like he was just holding you back at that point. At least, that’s what he told me. But you gotta go hear it from the rat’s mouth, ok?” 

“I....I’ll do my best, Tina.” 

As soon as he exited the car, he felt his feet pick up the pace, hurrying into the building.


	11. Went to a party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wowie this shit is LONG!! Get ready kids, because this shit is NOT what you’re expecting, and it’s fluffy as FUCK

RK felt something aching in his chest, but for the first time ever, it wasn’t from regret, or sadness- it was from _excitement._ he should be scared, terrified, even— but as he ran down the hospital corridors towards the detective’s hospital room, all he could feel was his need for the other.  
He can’t rely on preconstructions exclusively anymore; everything felt more unpredictable than ever- he couldn’t predict how the day would end, so why put all his processing power on the impossible and running away at the first sign things weren’t going to go well? 

He hasn’t felt this _kind_ of freedom yet- all he’s had is the dread, the vulnerability and the anxiety, but now he felt like crying from relief. He hasn’t felt this unrestricted since July-  
Officer Chen was holding a fourth of July party at her home; he had initially declined her invitation, but on the night of the function, as Gavin stood from his desk, walking a few feet before he looked back in confusion. “Hey, _Barbie-_ are we going or not?” Looking up from his monitor, he had himself being greeted by a look on the detective’s face like he was always supposed to go with him, a glint of ‘fuck the work, drunk adults are playing with explosives and I want you to see that too’ in his eyes. “As much as attending Officer Chen’s celebration would be nice, our workload is far too great to take a break.” Gavin raised his brows, eyes unamused and unwavering as he jogged back over to the android, taking his hand in his own and hauling him to his feet and to the doors of the precinct. “Listen, RK, In all this time we’ve been partners, I have _never_ seen you take a break— let yourself have _one_ party, okay? 4 hours with me wont kill you.”  
There was a pink tint to the human’s cheeks, but he maintained eye contact with the RK unit, even if he looked away for a few seconds to grant himself some sort of break from it. “...would you mind if I asked you a question, Detective Reed?” The brunette froze, hand tightening around his- he didn’t even realize Gavin was still holding his hand. He coughed dryly, covering his mouth with his forearm, looking away. “yeah, sure— what’s up?”  
The detective seemed to realize he was holding his hand as well dropping his arm from the contact, feigning a relaxed attitude despite his 87% stress levels.  
“Why do you wish to have me with you for these kinds of things?” The human blinked, confusion painting his features. “Parties, drinking- even conversation at our workplace, you like to have me join in. I don’t have the same ‘social-butterfly’ programming Connor was created with- he can seamlessly blend and meld with conversations and interactions- in comparison to him, along with the natural capabilities of any human, I am not exactly someone made for this sort of thing- I’m not _good_ at this, detective. I suppose I’m saying I don’t see the appeal of my presence.” 

Gavin’s look of nervousness was replaced by one of anger- a glint in his eyes he’s only seen in Tina’s eyes previously, right before she was about to go on a friendship tirade against someone, and sure enough—

“Maybe because I _like_ having you with me, alright? You haven’t seen me in a large social situation without you because It freaks me the fuck out, ok? ‘Gavin Reed gets a panic attack at parties and his android partner calms him down and, yeah, the guy might be a bit awkward at times, but he still makes an effort to be there because the guy who asked genuinely enjoys his company and thinks he’s a great person!”

_software instability ^_

He’s...never seen that before.  
Gavin huffed, looking down at the concrete sidewalk.  
“C’mon, we— we’re gonna be late...”

*

Arriving at the party, he could already see the multi-colored explosions in the sky as the sun started to set. The android hadn’t spoken since their conversation outside of the precinct, still stunned by everything that was said to him. A Calming presence to Gavin Reed...? That was...

It was _nice._

As they sat beside each other in Tina’s old lawn chairs as a fountain firework was placed on the concrete road of the suburb.  
Halfway through the display, he was about to ask the detective something, but his words died on his tongue when he turned to see the neon colors glistening in Gavin’s eyes, a calm, lopsided, toothy smile on his face.  
“What’s goin on?” His partner asked, noticing the intense stare of the android, but smile never faltering.  
He blinked, stress levels rising. “I was just going to ask if Officer Chen had used a gardening hose to water her lawn before the festivities- it’d be unfortunate for a stray spark to create a fire.” 

Her voice piped up from where she was dancing, yelling out with colorful smoke bombs in her hands as she ran around, creating a trail of red and blue behind her. “I DID, IT’S _FINE!_ ” as the smoke fizzled out, she threw them behind her, jogging back to the driveway. “Gavin— do you still have that playlist from last year? The one with indie songs that make me sad but also excited for the future?”  
Gavin laughed, doubling over. “Tina, that’s almost ALL my music— you gotta be more fuckin’ specific!”  
She straightened her back, smiling mischievously. “If you say so— _ECHO!”_ The small device sat on the roof of her car lit up in attention. “PLAY THE PLAYLIST _’I’M GOING TO SHOVE THIS FIRECRACKER UP MY ASS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME’!_ ”  
A silent moment passed, embarrassment thick in the air, before the device spoke, acknowledging the command.  
_“Playing playlist, first up...’Rosa Dear’ by the band ‘Ruth’”_

The sound of a acoustic guitar surrounded them quickly.  
“I’m going—“

_”shut up”_

“Im going to shove this—“

_”RK, I swear to fucking god—“_

“Entire— the whole thing— this entire firecracker—“

_”I’ll shove a firecracker down your goddamned throat if you finish this sentence”_

“Up my ass.”

They stared out at the now finished fountain firework, cardboard base left in the street before RK felt a chuckle pass his lips. “Ha ha, laugh at 2019 humor Gavin with his dumb butt jokes.” The android laughed harder at that, covering his mouth to try and stifle it.  
The android stood, and just as his partner was about to apologize, thinking he was leaving- he turned around, reaching out a hand.  
“I’ve never _danced_ before, but it seems customary during parties. We couldn’t before, so I never asked, but now seems like a good enough time for a first attempt— it’s not crowded, considering there’s only three of us.”  
Gavin’s face was pink, looking intently at the outstretched hand. “If you’d rather keep sitting—“

“No, no! I was just kinda caught off guard—“ he interrupted, taking the hand offered to him and standing right as the song ended and the next one began, strings and echoing vocals came from the speakers as the android lead him over to a more open space of the driveway. Timidly, the detective raised their intertwined hands, placing his unoccupied hand on RK’s shoulder as the android placed his own on Gavin’s hip, swaying to the calming music. 

_’I love you....’_

Gavin looked down at their feet, careful to not trip or step on toes as they continued to move.

 _’but I don’t want to....’_

“Ok, RK, you asked me something before, now it’s my turn.” He spoke, quiet enough for only the two of them to hear. “You...You said you didn’t get the chance to dance with me before...does that mean you’ve been meaning to dance with me- you’ve... _wanted_ to dance with me...?”

_’we fell apart as it gets dark, I’m In your arms in Central Park’_

“Yes.” 

_’I can’t escape the way I love you’_

Gavin leaned his head against the android’s shoulder, sighing shakily, eyes closed. “...thanks.”

_’I don’t want to, but I love you...’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The songs these kids were dancing to:  
> ‘Rosa Dear’ by Ruth  
> And  
> ‘I love you’ by Billie Eilish.
> 
> Legit both songs are on my playlist for this fic lmaooooo


	12. Get on with it!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter, Y’all!! I tried really hard to please with this ending, so i hope you guys like it!   
> Also, should I made a sort of follow up to this from Gavin’s POV? It’d involve more fluffy crush moments than this one, but still would be ANGST bc it’d be during RK’s time as a machine so it’d be one-sided— idk
> 
> See the end notes for a list of songs in my playlist for this fic that helped me while writing this crap!

His confidence was surging all the way to the door of Gavin’s room— then it started to waver. His hand was on the door knob, all he had to do was turn it and push, but...  
It felt terrifying.

He supposed that was the entire point of this; to allow himself to _be_ scared, to _be_ uncertain. Taking a deep breath, he turned the handle and opening the door to enter. Gavin was lying on his side, facing away from the door, not so much as budging at the sound. Through nervous steps, he made his way over to the chair he had been sat in when his partner had woken up, which was still pulled close to the hospital bed, sitting down. 

“I’m sorry, RK” 

The android blinked at the muttered apology, brows drawn together in confusion. “Detective, you have _nothing_ to be sorry for.” The sincerity in his own voice was...strange- new. The brunette looked up at him through tired eyes, reaching his hand out in a silent offering. Taking the human’s hand earned him a content sigh from Gavin. 

“I _do_ , though.” He spoke in a whisper, hand squeezing tighter as tears fell. “I just...I _knew_ that fucker had a knife on him and he might’ve used it— And...” 

“You tried to defend me—“

The detective looked down, trying to keep more tears in as he spoke up. “I just— I Don’t— I don’t like the thought of you getting hurt. a-and I _know_ you can be fixed and can heal easily, all that shit, but...It still fucking sucks, okay...?”  
He wiped his tears with the palm of his hand, letting out a shaky sigh as he fought the urge to let himself sob. “I tried to help you out for once, and I just fucked it up and almost died because my dumbass didn’t want you to get hurt.” The detective rolled over to lie on his back, staring angrily up at the ceiling. “And then I go and fuck everything up more by making you leave and then my fuckin shitty _ex_ comes BARGING IN like ‘yo heard you almost fucking DIED lemme swoop in and almost kiss you’— like— _FUCK,_ today just...! Destroy it— take it off the calendars.”   
The android chuckled, making Gavin turn his head to see him smiling.   
“The day I almost die and a fourth of July party- those are the only two days I’ve gotten to see you _laugh._ ”  
His cheeks turned blue, laughter subsiding as he let tears roll down his cheeks. “Gavin, I...” He swallowed, smile fading. “...I’ve been so _scared_ to talk to you- worried I’d ruin our friendship, drive you away.”   
The detective’s expression changed to one of utter disbelief.   
“When you had been taken away by the ambulance, it felt as if everything that surrounded me was collapsing in on itself- the thought that you wouldn’t make it, That I’d arrive at the hospital and you’d be gone— It was horrifying...I couldn’t _move._ I can’t explain any of it more accurately than the situation breaking down the last leg of my coding’s protections against deviancy.”

Gavin’s eyes widened, bracing a hand behind himself as he sat up, mouth open in shock. “You—“

_”I deviated.”_

Silence surrounded them, the beeping of the heart monitor being the only noise in the room. RK shifted in his seat, still holding the human’s hand tightly. “I know that in the past, you requested that I didn’t deviate, but I—“ he was cut off by his arm being tugged on hard, pulling him into a tight hug from Gavin. “You dumb _bitch._ ”   
He tensed at his partner’s words, worried he was right in his assumptions before he spoke up to break him from his thoughts.  
“I was fuckin’ _drunk_ , RK! I don’t give a fuck about you being a deviant or not, the only reason I said that dumb shit was because I was scared of telling you that I—“ he stopped talking, instead, hugging tighter.   
“This can’t be good for your stitches...”   
the human pushed his head into the android’s shoulder, mumbling his response of _”fuck the stitches, I wanna hug you, ok? I just wanna hug you for a bit.”_   
Hearing this, he did just the opposite, pulling back from Gavin’s iron grip on him, cupping his face with gentle hands.   
“May I admit something to you, Detective?”   
The brunette shivered, nodding nervously.  
“When I deviated...Past memories resurfaced and I could see them in a new light and...Before, when I was still a machine, the things I did— protecting you, ensuring your emotional stability, socializing with you at the parties you _insisted_ I come to— I believed they were all means to an end, a way to make working with you easier so I could finish my mission, but, looking back...I...I was doing it because you’re important to me— It’s important to see you happy, It’s important to see you safe, It’s...” he paused, looking for the right way to tell him.   
“It’s Important because...Because I— I love you, Gavin.” Tears fell full force, unable to think, just letting himself speak. “It’s scary to think that I could’ve lost you the day I realized it— that I wouldn’t be able to see you again- do things like usual, accompany you to a bar, hear your nicknames for me, go see a movie once a month because you’d realize I had never seen it so you take me to go see it with you, even— even dancing- I’m an awful dancer, you know this— I still want to dance with you because It’s _nice!_ and— I know that, by me telling you this, you might push me away or hate me, but—“ gavin’s free hand at the back of his neck pulled him into a kiss, the human’s hand breaking from holding RK’s to cup the android’s face to deepen it.   
Pulling back, Gavin punched his shoulder in frustration. “I’VE BEEN CRUSHING ON YOU SINCE FEBRUARY YOU FUCKIN’ DUMBASS!”   
His blush was creeping over his entire face, a deep blue in his cheeks. “...what?”  
Gavin groaned, falling back into the bed, rubbing his face.   
“You fuckin— you know how many times I had to keep my mouth shut so I didn’t fuck it up?! That— that night, at Tina’s party— when you were looking at me, I thought you were going to kiss me— then you asked me to _DANCE_ and I-I just melted— because...I thought that would be as close to being with you as I’d ever get- like- ‘why would he love _me?_ all I ever do is fuck up and complain to him— and he goes and makes everything right— what would someone like that ever bother with my bullshit?’”

Stepping forward, out of his chair, he leaned over the detective, cupping his cheek again, chest fluttering with butterflies.   
“I love you, RK.”

Closing the space between them felt heavenly, like all the weight from his body was removed and gravity wasn’t applied to him anymore- he was _floating_ as Gavin tilted his head, wrapping his arms around the android and smiling into the kiss, whispers of ‘I love you’ leaving their lips every time they’d part for the human to breathe, the android continuing to pet his hair.

If this was him being _alive,_ then he was grateful to be just that—

Alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okok playlist songs:  
> You were right - Julia Jacklin  
> My smile is extinct - kane strang  
> Jealous - Nick Jonas  
> Stupid - Brendan Maclean  
> Thinking of you - Katy Perry  
> Roses - Benny Blanco & juice WRLD (feat. brendan Urie)  
> The broken hearts club - Gnash  
> Hide - Juice WRLD (feat. Seezyn)  
> I love you - Billie eilish  
> Rosa, Dear - Ruth
> 
> Hope you guys enjoyed this fic!! Thank you for all this positive feedback 💖💖💖💖💖


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